214. IV. THAT WITH THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL, CONJUNCTION OF MINDS AND THEREWITH FRIENDSHIP INCREASES, BUT WITH THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE, THE LATTER TOGETHER WITH THE FORMER DECREASES. That conjunction of minds increases with those who are in love truly conjugial has been shown in the chapter treating of the conjunction of souls and minds by marriage, which is meant by the Lord's words, They are no more two but one flesh (nos. 156f-81);  and that this conjunction increases as friendship conjoins itself to love, is because friendship is as the face of that love and also as its garment; for it not only adjoins itself to the love as a garment but it also conjoins itself with it as a face. The love preceding friendship is similar to love of the sex, and after the vows, this love grows feeble; but when conjoined with friendship, the love remains after the vows and is also made stable. Moreover, it enters more deeply into the bosom. Friendship introduces it and makes it truly conjugial; and then the love makes this its friendship also conjugial, and such friendship, being complete, differs greatly from the friendship of every other love.
 That the contrary is the case with those who are not in conjugial love is well known. With these, the first friendship, which is insinuated at the time of betrothal and then during the first days after the nuptials, recedes more and more from the interiors of the mind, and gradually departing therefrom, goes finally to the cuticles. Then, with those who think of separation, it passes away altogether, but with those who do not think of separation, the love remains in externals but is cold in internals.