248. XII. THAT OF THE EXTERNAL CAUSES OF COLD, THE THIRD IS RIVALRY FOR SUPREMACY BETWEEN THE PARTNERS. The reason is because, among its principal objects, conjugial love looks to union of wills and thus to liberty of agreement. Rivalry for supremacy or rule, ejects these two objects from the marriage; for it divides and sunders the wills into sides, and turns the liberty of agreement into servitude. So long as this rivalry continues, the spirit of the one meditates violence against the other. Were their minds then opened and observed by spiritual sight, they would appear as antagonists fighting with daggers, and it would be seen that they regarded each other with alternate hatred and favor--with hatred when in the ardor of rivalry, and with favor when in the hope of dominion and when in lust.  After the victory of the one over the other, the antagonism withdraws from the externals of the mind and betakes itself to the internals, and there with its disquiet it remains concealed. Hence comes cold both to the subjugated or servant and to the victor or master. Cold comes to the latter also because there is no longer conjugial love, and the deprivation of this love is cold (no. 235). Instead of conjugial love comes heat from supremacy; but this heat, though utterly discordant with conjugial heat, yet, by the mediation of lust, may be outwardly concordant. After tacit agreement between them, it appears as if conjugial love had become friendship; but the difference between conjugial friendship in marriages and servile friendship is as the difference between light and shade, between living fire and fatuous fire, yea, as between a man in full flesh and a man consisting only of skin and bone.